This Pain
by The Bloody Wretched
Summary: Bakura commits suicide. In the hospital Ryou and company await his return from the shadows. But when he comes back, he's different. PoemStory Pairings so far: SetoxShizuka RyouxMarik Please read, I suck at summaries.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I **DO NOT** own YuGiOh or any of the characters. Or see any point in this. It's FANfiction, right?

This Pain

As I smile on the outside

It's ripping me apart inside

All the pain I feel

None of it I can kill

Everyone around me I love dying

I just feel like crying

And while I fake a happy smile

I feel as if I'm trial

A trial that I'll always lose

In a world booze

No drug can help me

I want to be free

I just want to erase the pain in my life

To not feel all this strife

I know I'll never fit in

That I'll never win

So why should I bother

I won't go to some church father

I'm the one everyone avoids

I know they all wish I'd died

No one understands my pain

They'll leave me standing in the rain

I'm the one you love to hate

That you'd draw dead in a crate

No one cares if I died

Just sat and cried

Now as I sit

Knife poised at my wrist

I feel a sharp pain

Telling me I've hit the vein

Falling back against the wall

Feeling so small

Now as I'm fading away

Not able to tell the time of day

Blood pooling around my body

Knowing I'll be gone today

A voice echoes in my head

Do you really want to be dead

Freak in the Shadows: At first, I wrote this poem by pooling out all my dumbass 'emotions'. Then, I decided I could make an awesome poem/story out of this with Bakura, Yami (dipshit pharaoh), and Ryou. Maybe even the Ishtars! Well, review and tell me whether I should continue, write the entire story in poem, or, a poem in the beginning of the chapter and what's going on after it.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I **DO NOT** own YuGiOh or any of the characters. Or see any point in this. It's FANfiction, right?

Ryou looked down at his yami in the hospital bed and held back the tears that threatened to escape him. 'Why Bakura?'he thought, moving his hand from the bed to Bakura's limp hair.

His yami had tried kill himself a week earlier. Ryou had come home from work just like everyday.. and:

**_Flashback;Ryou POV_**

_I walked through the door into our house and felt a strange aura. I put down my bag and looked around. "Bakura!" I called, hoping he would show up, even with his 'evil' glare. Nothing. I walked down the hall and stopped by his down. There was a strange smell coming from the door, coppery. I knocked and called for him again, nothing. I started to walk away until I heard a faint whimper, a few steps further and I would've missed it. I spun back around and opened the down. The strong stench of blood pierced my senses and I nearly retched. I heard another small whimper and turned to Bakura's bathroom. Seeing blood leaking from inside I hurried over and screamed at the sight. _

_Bakura sat in the middle of all the thick, crimson life with the sharpest knife in our house by his side. Along both arms were a dozen deep wounds, wrists were the worst. Blood covered his body, nearly concealing the fact that he was sobbing, nearly hypervenelating. I walked through the deep puddle and crouched next to him, feeling a tear fall from my cheek. "Bakura.." I whispered, pushing the reddish dyed locks from his eyes. He looked up at me and muttered, "I failed." before passing out in my arms. "Oh shit!" I screamed, holding his limp body with one hand and yanking out my cellphone to call 911 with the other. _

_**End Flashback;Normal POV**_

Ryou put his other hand on his yami's hand, being careful of the I.V. The yami was in **bad** shape. Bandages covered his legs, covered in cuts and scars Ryou had never noticed, same with his arms, as well as chest and stomach. After Ryou had called an ambulance, he found a gun behind the cabinet with one bullet left and swore that if his yami lived he'd figure out why he tried to kill himself.

Suddenly, Ryou heard the door open and someone lay a hand on his shoulder. It was Marik(1). "Hey Ryou, how's it look?"he asked, smiling down at the pale hikari sadly, before taking a seat himself. "He moved from critical last night, but, it looks like he'll be in a coma for awhile." Ryou said, unconsciously massaging Bakura hair. "Well, that's good, at least he has a chance." Marik laughed, trying to lighten of his koi's face. Ryou looked up at him suddenly, eyes filled to the rim with tears. "But he didn't want a chance! Something been eating at him for who knows how long and I want to know what's wrong! I love him like a little brother, he can be a pain like one too, but I want to help him!" Ryou cried, clinging to Marik's black sweatshirt like Bakura was going to die if he let go, tears finally escaping.

"Shhh, it'll be ok, koibito(2). I love him like a brother too, baby brother, but that's against the point. I want to help him too and he'll make it through this! I know he will!" Marik whispered in Ryou's ear, holding the slightly smaller teen protectively. Before Ryou could answer a cough sounded behind them. "Hi Otogi(3)."they said in unison, faint smiles appearing as well. "Oh geez, thanks for the **great** enthusiasm there. I feel **so** loved!" Otogi laughed, a wave of sadness covering his smile when he saw Bakura's condition. "We try, Otogi, we try."they say, again in unison. "Thanks guys. So, how is our devil?" Otogi asked softly, sitting on the side closest to Bakura head and stroking his cheek.

"Well, he's passed critical condition. But," Marik started, hesitating. "But? Not a but!" Otogi nearly cried, eyes wide. "But he may be in a coma for awhile."Marik finished, then suddenly hiding his face in Ryou's neck. "Ah!" Ryou gasped in surprise, putting a hand to the back of Marik's head, feeling tears falling down his neck. Marik was crying, and he _never_ cried. "It'll be ok. The devil was fight through it, none of us know him as a quitter!" Otogi said, unknowingly making a speach. "But.. Why'd he do this to himself?"they heard Mai whisper, walking in with Valon(4), Shizuka(5), Dartz and Seto. Shizuka and Seto were dating, but Marik said that Ishizu saw they were going to marry one day. Mai and Valon were just best friends and nothing more. Dartz was Ryou's cousin, therefore, weird. (a/n: oops, sorry. Anywho. Onward.)

"I'm not sure, but I'm gonna find out!" Ryou said, determined, before patting Marik's back. "He was mental anyway." Dartz muttered, earning a slap from an angry Mai. "Shut the fuck up if all you've got's shit!"she yelled, taking the combined efforts of Shizuka, Otogi, **and** Valon to calm her. "He's in a coma, right, Ryou?" Seto asked calmly, taking out his laptop. Ryou nodded and Seto smiled slightly. "What?" Marik growled, having peeked out of his _hideout_. "Well, I can make sure they keep Bakura alive, still in a coma, but alive, unless Ryou and Ryou only changes that. I can also pay for a way to wake him up if he doesn't wake up within a certain period of time." Seto answered cooly, closing his laptop after Valon tried to peek at it. "So you practically control his life?" Valon asked, cocking his head. "No, and yes, but ignore that. Look!" Seto cried, standing.

Everyone looked over at the bed Ryou had been unconscious on to see that his eyes were opened. Ryou practically tackled him when he saw and hugged him. He noticed his yami was crying and trying to pull away, in fear.

A/N: What's up? Do you like this? Tell me.

(1) Marik; hikari- light

(2) koibito; love, lover

(3) Otogi; Duke is the dubbed version in the U.S

(4) Valon; The brown, spikey haired biker who worked with Dartz, had a thing with Mai, like Joey.

(5) Shizuka; Serenity is the dubbed version in the U.S

_**Warnings: Yaoi, shounen ai, mention of rape, random flashbacks**_

**Pairings: So far; RxM SxS **

Now, press the little button under this sentence, NOW. Please? Lmao


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I **DO NOT** own YuGiOh or any of the characters. Or see any point in this. It's FANfiction, right?

_Ch.2_

_Everyone looked over at the bed Ryou had been unconscious on to see that Bakura's eyes were opened. Ryou practically tackled him when he saw and hugged him. He noticed his yami was crying and trying to pull away, in fear._

Chapter 3:

Ryou moved away as Bakura struggled and sat with his back against the wall, close to pulling out the IV. Shizuka put out her palm and lifted the yami's chin. Bakura had his eyes shut tight, arms crossed so his hands clutched the other upper arm, and knees close to his chest, whimpers escaping his throat. She pulled away, shocked, and backed into Seto, who wrapped his arms around her. "Bakura? What's wrong?" Ryou asked, staring at him with pure curiosity. Bakura shook his head roughly and started to shake, eyes darting around. Marik, having left Ryou's shoulder, turned to everyone. "We should leave, all these people must be scaring him."he called, everyone leaving, slight mutters of annoyance in the air.

Ryou sat next to Bakura, dispite his whimpers, and ran his hand through the ruffled hair. Bakura let out a cry and backed away, pulling out the IV by mistake and grasping the wrist it had been in, pained. It hurt Ryou to see his yami so vulnerable, scared, confused looking, like a child. He took the wrist in his hand and turned it over to where the IV had been. There was a small hole and trickle of blood leaking from it. Ryou kissed it. He kissed like his mother had kissed his cuts and bruised when he was a small child, before she died.

Bakura stared at his wrist in shock and yanked it to his chest when Ryou let go. He then stared at Ryou, breathing hitching as his eyes glazed over slightly and he started to cry. Then, he acted normal again. Ryou cocked his head and took the sobbing teen into his arms. "Sh, it'll be ok.. Everything will be fine, tenshi(1).. Everything will be fine.."he whispered, kissing the boy on the forehead. Suddenly, he heard Bakura's voice. But it was different, filled with a childish innocence, but pain as well.

"How do you know?"

Ryou looked down at him, seeing the normally hard face filled with innocence and tears. "I don't know. I just do."he answered in a soft tone. Bakura seemed to take that, but then, he made a strangled noise and pulled away. "No! NO! No, no, no!"he sobbed, "I trust no one! No one!"

Ryou stared in surprise and sympathy at the boy a few inches away, muttering to himself. "Bakura, baby, do you even know who I am? Or even what happened?"he just asked suddenly, curious as hell. Bakura shook his head, still muttering. "What do you remember, child?" Ryou asked softer voice. Bakura looked up in surprise. "I-I remember m-my village being slaughtered and then," Bakura fell into tears, this time angry, and ashamed. "And what?" Ryou asked patiently, knowing it'd be good for Bakura to let it out.

"A-And these m-men took me to a burned up alley.. A-And t-they," Bakura stopped and started to sob harder. Ryou consoled him, already understanding what had happened to him. Bakura had been raped. Ryou went onto a calming question. "How old are you?"he asked the teen, still rubbing his back soothingly. "I-I'm six.." Bakura answered, holding Ryou's shirt tightly. 'So that's what happened to my yami..' Ryou thought, still holding Bakura as his doctor walked in. Ms. Prevel.

"I see this cute guy woke up-hey! Why's his IV out!"she asked suddenly, a bit annoyed. "He pulled it out by mistake." Ryou answered in his softest, sweetest voice. She smiled and went to put it back in, Bakura shaking. "No! He seems fine, I mean." Ryou cried, getting an odd look from the doctor. "He doesn't look fine, and he tried to KILL himself dear, he ISN'T fine."she said quietly, patting the top of Bakura's head, who squeaked.

Ryou put on his sweetest face and bambi eyes. Ms. Prevel sighed. "Fine. But, if he shows ANY signs of suicide or other things likw that then bring him RIGHT back. Ok?"she said in a motherly manner, giving them looks. "Yes Miss." Ryou said sweetly and smiling until she left, then turning to Bakura. "Let's get dressed, shall we?"

FITS: Not EXACTLY what I had in mind, but it'll do, lol.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I **DO NOT** own YuGiOh or any of the characters. Or see any point in this. It's FANfiction, right?

_Ch.2_

(1) Tenshi; angel

a/n: Sorry about that folks -look up-! I know Bakura's ooc, and I am NOT apologizing beause that's how I want him to be! So neh! -childish look-lol Here's the next chapter!

Chapter 3

They had gotten home from the hospital a week earlier and Bakura decided he wasn't going to talk anymore. So, Ryou thought about the small bit of information from his yami and studied him a bit, hopefully without being noticed.

Ryou looked over the papers from the hospital and made a clicking sound with his tongue. It said Bakura had been on and off so many drugs, nearly, maybe, an alcoholic, and more. Bakura looked over his shoulder and cocked his head, having gotten slightly more open, but unresponsive, then before. Ryou was wondering how much energy it took for Bakura not to talk, and for every nightmare. Yes, Bakura'd been having nightmares. Waking up crying, running to Ryou across the hall, or sometimes across the room or across the bed, every night since he'd woken up. Bakura pointed to the words and tugged on Ryou's shirt. "Yes Bakura?" Ryou asked, turning to the yami in surprise.

Bakura pointed at the words with annoyance and scowled, tugging harder. "Oh, you want to know what that says?" Bakura nods rapidly, "Ok, it said some information about how your bodies been for awhile. You had some drug and alcohol problems!" Ryou answered, laughing and ruffling Bakura's hair. Ryou got back to reading the papers while cooking some pancakes for them to eat.

Meanwhile, Bakura was in the lounge, playing with a spellbook he happened upon. He giggled madly like a little girl as he did a spell, turning the fish into a turtle. Then he happened upon another spell and thought, 'Was 'tis do?'

So he cast it.

In the kitchen, Ryou heard a scream that sounded much like his yami and bolted to the lounge. When he arrived, Bakura was laying on the floor unconscious, spellbook laying a few feet away. Ryou picked up his yami, pushing Bakura's wild hair our of his eyes and not noticing the book.

Ryou carried Bakura into the living and set him on the couch, going to take the rollaway bed out. When he came back, Bakura was staring at his arms in amazement at all the scars. "Bakura, are you ok?" Ryou asked, sitting next to him touching his shoulder. When he did that, Bakura screamed and moved away in fear, crying. "Bakura.. It's ok." Ryou said softly, wondering if he should go closer or not until he heard Bakura cry out, "Please! No more! Stop!"

Ryou stared at him with sympathy and then noticed the yami staring at him intently. "You, you look like mother."he whispered, relaxing slightly, but still tense, then blinking his eyes. "Ryou? What the hell?" Bakura suddenly asked with one of his signature looks these days. "Bakura, what do you remember?" Ryou asked quietly, like Bakura would be set off if any louder. "I **remember** trying to FUCKING die!" Bakura screamed, the covered his mouth with his hands.

Bakura squeaked when Ryou took him into his arms and rocked him slightly. He was about to yell, but then felt himself become very tired and weak. "R-Ryou..."he coughed, tugging hard at the lights shirt. "Bakura, what's wrong? Oh my god!"

Freak in the Shadows. My FIRST decent cliffie! ;; So, what do you think happened to 'kura? You'll find out in the next episode of "THIS PAIN" and MY fanfiction. I might go off to little humor, heheh..


	5. Chapter 5 Special Note, Read!

I am horribly sorry that I haven't updated lately. I'm failing in school and currently, my brother got me sick. Thanks Shawn.

ShawnBastardsama: No problem.

coughsarcasmcough Anyway, I don't like how this story's going, it's too cheesy. So, I'm going to redo some of the chapters, but it'll take me awhile. I want your help, ALL of you to vote on some ideas, making up your own.. etc. Here are some of my ideas:

**The question marks are where YOU come in. Help me there and give me ideas for how it goes please.**

Bakura is in a coma for ? years. One day the nurse walks in to see him doing ? and Ryou comes immediately.

After Bakura commits suicide, but lives, Ryou quits school/his job after taking him home because he's weak from what happened

**Above: Do you want Bakura truely very weak, disabled, childish, in character: mean selfish snotty but sad, etc?**

When Bakura comes back from the hospital, he tries to kill Ryou's father when he comes to visit.

**Above: How would you want that to happen? Should Bakura try to kill someone else, Ryou? What should happen?**

So anyway, have I made my point? Pick through some of these, or make up your own.

**Now for my apologies:**

I'm sorry for not giving you a normal chapter. I know, whenever an author does these things I'm usually like: wtf goddamn muthafu- ya well, you get it. So don't worry, I'm not THAT heartless-

ShawnBastardsama: My ass you're not.

Shut up! I'll stab you in the balls!

ShawnBastardsama: Like Aki?

Yes, like Aki. .covers ears. Can't you tell I love my big brutha? Ah well, please choose. I'm sorry, again.


End file.
